I know some people hate memes - those little survey that people answer that require little thought and effort.  Clearly the haters don’t understand that when you’re looking 100 questions right straight in the face, “no effort” does not compute!  And the older you get, the harder it is to remember that first date or first car (it was brown, okay?!) so answering all the questions *can* be challenging!

So Busy Mom’s answers had me snickering!  An example:

What perfume/cologne do you wear? If none, why?

Origins Spring Fever. I don’t think they make it anymore, and I am bent out of shape about it. I am also stinky.

Me? I use a vanilla spray from one of those smelly stores you find in the mall.

It was hard thing for me to realize, but I finally did.  No matter how nice, courteous, friendly, caring, and giving you are - not everyone will like you.  It even crushes my heart a little just saying it now, but it’s true.  Human nature calls for people to be jealous, envious, angry, and hurtful.  It’s only through wisdom that we learn to recognize these shortcomings in ourselves and know how to look beyond them or work past them.

Even so, there are people I don’t like.  And there are people who don’t like me.

Where spouses get divorced and boyfriends and girlfriends break up, this is sometimes also the way of friendships.  If you’ve been friends with someone for a short- or long-time and you realize it’s just not worth the effort you put into it and there’s something wrong or off-balance at the most basic level, then why be around that person if it makes you unhappy?

I’ve recently heard of two girls who had “friendship” break-ups.  The person at the receiving end of the break-up is always the one hurt the most because - face it - no one enjoys being rejected.  My worst friend break-up was due to being blindsided.  I went to a party at her house and had perhaps one of the best times of my life laughing, cooking, eating, talking.   Three families got together and we meshed really well.

However after that she told me she didn’t like my children so didn’t want to be my friend any longer.  I was crushed, devastated.  I didn’t understand how one of the happiest moments of my life could lead to that end.  It was very painful.

That’s why it’s also really hard to see when it happens to school-aged children.  Have you ever had to break off a friendship?  Why?  How did you do it?  Face-to-face honesty or did you just slowly stop talking?

Ay yi yi!  As I re-read the site I realized how often I talk about being poor as a child.  How embarrassing!  While we didn’t have a lot of money, we were well provided for.  We had food, we had shelter, we had clean clothes, we had toys.

These are things all parents want for their children.  A friend of mine going through a divorce just bought a house.  Because her divorce is not yet final, her soon to e ex husband had to also sign the paperwork. Once the divorce is final, he will be removed from the deed just as she will be removed from the deed of the house he is in.

However to get him to sign, she had to remind him that having a stable home is what the 3-year old needed in order to have a sense of stability.  He signed.  Proof that most parents - even during bitter times - do try to put their kids first.

I have never experienced divorce by my parents or in my own marriage, but I’ve read more and more about people who are in the situation.  One friend and his wife have four rambunctious boys separated.  Another friend started a new life with a new woman.  I think I keep hearing about it because when money gets tight (and it does when the economy tanks), couples fight more and marriages fall apart.

How can you save a marriage when money is tight?  Talk.  Talk about money.  Come up with a plan.  Then have a plan B.  Don’t blame your partner.  Seek counseling.

Having grown up as an Air Force brat, I learned early on to respect the people who serve in the military.  The sacrifices they make are great… while the biggest is loss of life and limb, there are other sacrifices that often go unnoticed.

The men and women who serve are often stationed far away from their family.  In fact, my parents did not have the privilege of their own children getting to know their grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins for more than a two-week visit once a year.   How many first birthdays did the grandparents miss?  How many baby showers, parties, first communions, and other special events were not attended by families who could not overcome the miles that separated them from loved ones?

So today I want to thank not just the people who actually served in the military, but their families too.  They missed a lot - usually without complaint - because their sons and daughters were willing to sacrifice on behalf of our great country.

Thank you all.

Photo of my sister and brothers feeding the ducks at the park located at Little Rock Air Force Base in Arkansas.

Well, the move is taking place as I speak!  We’ll pick up keys this afternoon, and start moving the boxes in this evening.  My children are elated!  Many people are concerned about how their children will respond to a move, as were we.  But there are a few things parents can do that will minimize the stress on the children, and perhaps even build excitement about their new place!

• Allow the children to be involved in choosing the new home.  You can only do this to an extent, but being involved gives children a sense of control,which is something they can feel a loss of when a move is taking place.
• Give the children choices…of rooms, paint color, room decor, etc. 
• Ask the kids to “help” pack…and remain patient as they do this!  I am very structured when it comes to packing, so I was a little nervous when my daughter offered to pack for my two-year-old.  But she has packed over three times what I have, and the important thing is that we get it there, right???
• As tempted as you are to send the kids away while you’re moving in, let them be a part of it…even if it’s just for a few hours.  My son is DYING to play with his “cars and trucks and trains in his new house”.  So the plan is to get some of his toys there, unpack them in his space, and let him play while we unpack elsewhere.

Remember to remain as calm as possible during your move, and speak positively of the experience.  We’ve been referring to ours as our latest adventure.  Your children will follow your lead.  And with your positive guidance, the move will be a positive experience for everyone.

Photo by popofatticus via Flickr Creative Commons.

I just returned from training at the Sommet Center (actually it is now officially the Bridgestone Arena) to work concessions as a fundraiser for a friend’s daughter.  What I initially dreaded turned out to be a very informative evening.  75 to 80 percent of the workers in the concession stands there are “volunteers”, working for money that goes directly to their organization.  What a great way to give back to the community.  Some groups have earned over $50,000 in a year’s time.  Yes, it takes a commitment of time and effort (and Advil for the leg and foot cramps from being on your feet for hours), but considering today’s economic struggles, it’s a welcome relief to many people.  I spoke with several parents this evening who said that without this extra “income”, they would be forced to withdraw their children from their activities.  Many thanks to the people who make all this possible.  I guess sometimes it does take a village!

I cannot believe it…my “baby” turns nine on Sunday.  With that harsh reality also comes the dreaded question.  What kind of party will she have?  In early January, I was looking at either one MASSIVE party or two medium sized parties, one for her friends and one for our large extended family.  The family all lives fairly close, and quite frankly, expects a party.  And honestly, my daughter is very attached to most of these people, so it seems unfair to deny her a party with them.  Then, there’s the school friends issue.  No one gets an invitation unless they ALL get an invitation.  That’s the school rule.  One I definitely understand, but hate at the same time.  Regardless, it’s another factor we must consider when planning a party. 

So I began my yearly research of possible birthday venues and their party packages…Swim parties, museum parties, bowling parties, gymnastics parties…and so much more.  Prices varied greatly, from just at $100 to over $300.  Then again, I also had to consider the guests.  I found great rates for a two hour swim session at an indoor pool…but I just couldn’t see Grandmothers and uncles swimming with  Emma’s school friends (I don’t know, it just seemed wierd). 

By the end of January, I was cut a huge break.  “Girl Drama” as I loathingly call it struck my daughter and her “best friend”.   So, much like her mother, my baby decided she “didn’t want to deal with any of them”.  Neither of us deal all that well with conflict!  So the decision was made…a fun, family party.  I still had to find the place, as parking is a huge issue at our house, but it had gotten a whole lot easier. 

My mother-in-law was able to rent out part of the clubhouse at her apartment complex for a very reasonable price.  Emma decided on a “dinner party”, requesting salad, lasagne, bread, and, of course, cake (also provided by my mother-in-law who makes wonderful cakes!).  We’ll throw in some sodas and call it a party.  I feel like I got off really easy…and Emma is ELATED!  Sometimes it’s the simple things that makes them the happiest!

Okay…I did get off really easy.  I won’t leave you hangin’.  Stay tuned for some fun birthday ideas for kids!

Photo by Pink Sherbet Photography via Flickr Creative Commons.

My nine-year-old just stepped in to tell me about her dream last night.  “I had TWO THOUSAND AND THREE HUNDRED DOLLARS,” she gleamed.  By the look on her face, you’d have thought she had won the lottery. 

It was at this point that I got that nagging feeling again.  Like most parents, my husband and I are always trying to use any given opportunity to serve as a lesson in “money management”.  However, our daughter has her own ideas about how “her” money should be spent.  One of my first thoughts after hearing her dream was, “Baby, you’ll have it spent in two days!”  So, once again, I am left pondering some of the ideas that have (and have not) worked for others.

1. Allowance - This is the big one.  I have not seen, heard, or read any expert advice telling parents that children should have to earn what they make.  The information I’m finding on giving an allowance states the importance of giving a child an alloted amount of money so that he/she will learn to budget.  My husband and I have struggled with this, as we both believe that it is important that children understand that money is earned. 
2. Spend/Save - Many people, regardless of the allowance rule, have set rules on how money will be allocated once the child receives it.  For instance, some parents have a rule that 50% can be used as the child chooses, and the other 50% will be put into savings of some sort.  Of course, the rules and percentages vary.
3. Behavior counts - Some folks combine the responsibility of smart spending with behavioral expectations.  An example would be…A child receives $10 per week.  But for each unacceptable behavior, a portion of that money is taken away. 
4. When it’s gone…It’s gone - Well, this is self-explanatory.  The child is allowed to spend what he or she wants, but when the money is gone, no exceptions are made. 

Our daughter has just started to really understand the value of the dollar, mostly, I believe from seeing and hearing the ups and downs of our own financial decisions.  I don’t believe there is one way alone to encourage a child to make good financial decisions.  Knowing your child, knowing their habits, and knowing what works for your own family is crucial in deciding which “financial plan” is best for you.

Hope everyone has a joyful Christmas!  See you next week!

(No, not me!  I hope to stay dry except for bath time during the holidays!)

Photo by g-hat through Flickr Creative Commons.

I had lunch today with my daughter’s girl scout leader and as we were talking about the trials and tribulations of raising teenage girls, I mentioned that Erin said she doesn’t want to go to college, “I want to get married.”  While I’m all for marriage, the statement opened a conversation about how it’s important to get an education in order to have the ability to take care of yourself if things go bad.

My friend said she got married at the ripe young age of 16 and because she had no skills, she spent years in an abusive relationship because she didn’t have the means to escape it.  My own sister had a long, happy marriage but she lost her husband to cancer seven years ago.  Since that time, she’s struggled to make ends meet with low-paying jobs.  She is now working at a university where she can take college courses at no charge and is working toward a degree.

What can we do to teach our daughters that an education and a marketable skill are important?  We have to keep telling them that it is likely they will have to depend upon themselves alone and they must be prepared to do it.  We have to keep telling them to get training, take classes, and earn degrees so they can earn a living wage.  We have to make them understand that they have to have the ability to stand on their own two feet and not always depend upon someone else.  We have to make sure we are willing to sign for a college loan so they CAN go to college if they don’t have the scholarships or silver spoon to pay for it.  We have to tell them they are smart, brave, and talented so they will have the courage to go it alone when necessary.

Tomorrow: Is Your Teen in an Abusive Relationship?