A certain teenager in my house is a Girl Scout.  She doesn’t want anyone to know since she’s 15-years old and perhaps a little embarrassed by it.  She can deny her membership to her friends, but she can not deny the fun she’s had throughout the years - camping, rock climbing, canoeing, trips to amusement parks, hiking in the mountains.  We’ve done a lot, this troop.

Perhaps nothing will compare to what we have planned in two years… a trip to London, England to visit the Pax Lodge for a week.

To fund it, parents, family and friends are working the concession stand of a major entertainment arena that allows non-profit groups to come in as a fundraiser.  However, we didn’t think it would be fair for only the parents to do the heavy lifting and the troop members not do anything.  As a result, we’re requiring the girls to participate in a minimum of four hours of community service every month between now and then.

Tonight my Erin is volunteering to work at an elementary school open house while I’ll slinging hotdogs and popcorn to people attending a huge concert.  Other work the girls of the troop have done: volunteering at a food pantry, helping at charity car shows, being a camp counselor during the summer at Girl Scout camps, and helping make corsages for the local senior citizens center as they got ready for their “senior” prom.

I hope through their work in the community, they will continue as adult volunteers throughout their life.  Helping each other may truly be the building blocks of our nation recovering from this massive recession.

This may be one of those waaaay out there assertions, but social media may be the latest diagnosis tool in determining mental illness.  I believe my cousin’s daughter is suffering from manic depression… or from anger management issues, at least.

Bless her heart (as we’re apt to say here in the South), at least every other post she writes on Facebook is filled with rage, anger, depression, more anger or sadness.  On occasion she’ll talk about her 8-month old infant and express her deep love for him.  It’s up and down that roller coaster she rides.

However, my alarms are going off in my head because mood change is one of the biggest indicators of teen depression.  Given the family history of mental health issues, I’ve been hesitant to say anything to her Mom (my cousin), however, I’ll be reading her posts carefully to see if there are any significant changes.  Any major shift and I will be in touch with her Mom to express my concern and suggest counseling for the young lady.

I hope if / when I do, I won’t become a family pariah for speaking up… it is a closed-mouth group that they are - especially when it comes to mental health, money, and close relationships.

Photo from LiveStrong.com.

My friend’s husband passed away over the weekend after experiencing head trauma from a fall.  While my friend is grieving as adults do, her daughter may need special care as she copes with the sudden loss of her stepfather.  We have already talked about grief counseling for the teenager because when a child at that age loses someone close to them, their already fragile emotional state can be shattered.

According to Hospice, there are several signs that parents must watch for when a teen is in a state of grieving.  Parents should watch for dropping grades, depression, risk taking, too much sleeping (or not enough), slipping relationships with family and friends, and denying that there is a problem.

One of the best things to do is talk openly about the loss of a loved one.  Do not hesitate to seek help from a trained therapist, group counseling, or a church group.  Teenagers are naturally social beings and by spending time with other people who understand the pain they are feeling, they will be able to cope more easily and eventually recover.

Another option to consider is a “bereavement camp” for children ages 7 to 17.  Located in California, Texas, Virginia, New Jersey and Massachusetts, the camps are free of charge and “include confidence building programs and age-based support groups that break the emotional isolation grief often brings.”

For more information about the camp, visit their website here.

Erin has a Facebook account.  Not very many people DON’T have Facebook accounts these days.  I watch her account fairly closely to make sure that she minds her manners and that her friends do the same.

However, my phone started ringing this afternoon at about 4:45 p.m. from parents calling about a photo that was posted.  It was pornography and my daughter was tagged in the picture.

It seems like Erin accepted a friend request from a “girl” who was also friends with 20 other of her friends.  She accepted it thinking, “Oh. She must go to my high school.”  About three days later the photo appeared.  I won’t say what it was and I know the definition of “obscene” is based on how a local community defines it.  But I assure you, no matter what community you live in - even by the loosest standards - that community would say, “Oh heck no.  That is obscene!”

Thankfully I had my daughter’s password so went in to the account, reported Hillary C. (email me if you want to know her full name) to the administrators at Facebook, untagged my daughter’s picture, and unfriended her.  I had to do all that in order to remove it from everyone’s pages… from her grandparents, our family friends, aunts, uncles, cousins… and all 546 friends she has.

I think it’s time she cleans up her friend list.  Or I’ll be doing it for her.  Keep an eye on your child’s accounts, parents.  Bad things happen to good people.

Photo by Lawton Chiles via flickr creative commons.

I have discovered one sure-fire way to get kids to help around the house without resorting to yelling, threatening, or bringing Dr. Spock psychology into the picture. Find a lost kitty.

I give you Cali the Calico.  (Original, I know…)

She was abandoned with her brothers and sisters in some woods along a deserted road.  The other kittens were saved but Cali eluded the rescuers for weeks.  Until I came along with a soft voice and a can of cat food.  (Just call me the cat whisperer)…

Now I’d like to find another home for her and - in fact - have found not one, but TWO takers.  But I’m out-voted in the family.  Instead I say, “If you want to keep Cali then I need to see some more personal responsibility.  Go feed the dogs!  Clean up your room!”

And the work is getting done.  Maybe I will let this cat stay.

I am not a pageant Mom, for sure.  In fact, the weekend’s festivities were highlighted with me reminding Erin how much she *hated* being on the baton twirling team - a requirement for any girl who wins a title.  Nevertheless, Erin was named a grand champion of twirling with the group with whom she twirls.

Rah rah blah.  Yes, I’m proud of her.  Yes, she was outstanding.  Yes, all the other Moms hate me because I didn’t encourage and nurture her through the process.  But NO they don’t have to be the ones to get her out of the house for every event and listen to her grumpy crabbiness and the verbal sparring that occurs EVERY SINGLE TIME we have to be somewhere.  If she loved it, I would too.

Back to the popcorn, though.  After all the congratulations ended and the meetings were over, we loaded in the car to drive home.  We stopped at a cute little “general store” type retail that had some of the old fashioned pecan rolls and stick candy.  I spied a bag of buttery popcorn and the temptation was too great.  For $1.98, I was all in.

The popcorn melted in my mouth and was so delicious.  Until.   Until I accidentally chewed on the left side of my mouth - a side I always avoided when eating because of a sensitive tooth.  I heard a crack and pulled a kernel out.  Then my tongue rolled over my teeth and there was something missing.  Part of my tooth.

Now I’m going to the dentist and am debating whether I agree to another $1200 cap or if I should just tell them to pull the whole tooth for $200.  My finances dictate the latter and since it’s not a front (or visible) tooth, my vanity won’t get in the way.

Will know more in about two hours.  Wish me luck.

PS - The kernel I pulled out wasn’t a kernel at all.  TMI!

Erin pictured “jumping” for joy. Ha.

I have really struggled this weekend.  One of my dearest friends happens to have a daughter who is the same age as my own Annie and the young adults are also dear friends.  But mother and daughter are really struggling at this time. The fight is over grades - the daughter won’t tell her Mom the grades she received this semester in college (and they were very bad) because she’s over 18 and doesn’t have to tell her.  Mom is understandably angry as I certainly would be too!

I’m only hearing one side of the story - and that’s the side of the daughter because she’s ended up at my house a few times as their words blow up hugely and she walks out the door and heads to our place because it’s walking distance.

My advice to her yesterday, “Tell your Mom. It’s not going to be easy, it’s not going to be fun.  But do it and get it over with.”  The young student teared up and said I just didn’t understand how angry her Mom would be.  I told her she was just making the anger worse by refusing to tell.

We spent the day painting over at another friend’s flood-damaged house and finally - between the four of us painting - we came to the conclusion that perhaps if spoken words weren’t going to work, she needed to write them down for her Mom.  When she finished writing the five page letter, she let me read it.  It was an angry letter, so I sat with her again and explained, “It’s okay to feel this way, but you also need to acknowledge that you love your Mom.  Tell her why.  Don’t speak only angry words because as a Mom, it would make me even more upset.  Make sure she knows that you love her because in five years or 10 years or 20 years, you don’t want this one angry letter to be what your Mom keeps as a memory of your young adult years.”

She rewrote it.

Referee really is not one of my many hats but I’m beginning to think I should look into finding a job as “life counselor.”

Today was officially the last day of school in our neck of the woods.  Lots of very happy kids streaming out the front doors of these institutions of elementary and secondary education, but I saw a few tears too!  My daughter’s friend was crying because her history teacher didn’t just “give” her two points so she wouldn’t receive an F.  I guess that class will be a repeat.

As much as we struggled with Erin in this first year of high school, her overall GPA is one that makes us proud.  (Especially since her friend’s was a 1.0…. ouch…).

Summer promises to be busy!  Erin is finishing up her obligation as junior miss of baton twirling, but now her interest has shifted to (drumroll please) BOXING.   The coaches have really worked her hard with sit-ups, push-ups, and jab jabs.  My favorite part is that their emphasis is first on God, then grades before it’s on boxing.  Like many of the martial arts classes, they also teach respect.

What are your plans for summer for the kids?

Photo of Erin “embarrassed” that I’m taking her picture -
her first boxing lesson.
It’s the one she likes though because it makes her look “skinny.”

I know so many people who’ve had children before marriage.  Then I look around and see it still happens no matter how much you teach sex education in school, no matter how much you talk to your children about sex before marriage, and no matter how you lecture about using protection.

My nephew and his girlfriend are now expecting.  His sister had two babies but did marry the children’s father last summer.  Another friend of mine just announced on facebook that her ninth grader is expecting in August.  I understand the infant didn’t make the decision to be conceived and come into this world, so I say there’s no shame in their existence.

However, are our children not hearing the message about celibacy and waiting until they are married to have children?  Are they not hearing about how difficult is to raise a child when you’re a child yourself?  Do they not understand that when they have a baby when they are still in their young teens or unmarried, that their lives change completely?  That they must give up their own childhood?

I’m excited for these young parents-to-be, but I’m also sad for them.  It’s a long, difficult path they must now walk.

My 19-year old wants a car so badly that she’s drooling and stomping to get one.  Of course we talk to her about the responsibilities of car ownerships - oil changes, insurance paid, regular maintenance, the cost of gas, etc.

Our challenge is that she’s not working right now while attending college.  I’m not complaining because she’s a studious little soul and is bringing home all A’s.   So she can’t pitch in to pay for the car.  There’s one in our neighborhood for sale for $1800 that’s actually in good working order.

Should I buy it for her without expecting her to pay back the money?  Should kids even have to buy their own vehicles (I did!).

What do you think?