My brother came for a visit this past week to do some contracting work for me.  I must say I was impressed that he did his fair share of diaper changing, tucking kids into bed, pulling them out of danger’s way (outlets, fireplace hearth), and generally being responsible as a parent.

Not all parents share equally in the tasks of raising children.  I know my husband and I argued over changing diapers (especially the stinky ones).  He didn’t mind putting the babies to bed, but when one of us had to get up in the middle of the night it was usually me.

That’s why I was impressed with seeing a Dad really pitch in to help - most of the time without his wife asking.  I know in today’s society we should share the burdens and joys of raising children, but it is refreshing to actually see the concept in action!

Photo by Chez Bez (who has brilliant photos of his kids).

I didn’t know Bean, but my heart cries for her and for her parents.  A year ago today Bean was born and then died.  Her Mom’s words are poignant,

“Life goes on, even when you’re angry with it. Even when you hate the Sun for rising and setting on another unjust day.” … THEN “When you talk to the Sun next, baby Bean, tell him Mama says Thank You. Then kick him in the shin. He’ll know what it means.”

Bean’s Dad also speaks eloquently of her memory,

I do think about her.  I think about her a lot.  Not everyday, not for days on end on occasion, but I probably think about her more days than not.  She’s my baby girl.  How could I not?

I do wonder what she would’ve been like, as a child, as a teenager, as an adult, I wonder.  I wonder, as is I think natural, about those lost potentials.  I miss that I’ll never experience those with her.  I would’ve liked too.

For Bean and her parents today… our thoughts are with you and we wish you peace. If you want to see Bean’s picture, visit her Dad’s site here.

I have reached an age where more and more of my friends are talking about how much they miss their Dad’s on Fathers Day.  One friend said, “I just wish I could hear my Dad’s voice today over the phone, but I lost him 15 years ago.”  Another has a fractured relationship with her father and said, “I wish I had a father on this special day.”

It reminds us to make every day count with your family.  Take the extra 5 minutes out of your day to pick up the phone and call.  Or give Dad an extra squeeze next time you hug him.  Me?  I was sitting next to my Dad on my brother’s couch on Saturday and reached up to rub Dad’s head.  He always loved when my sister would brush his hair and - apparently - he still adores a good old-fashioned scalp massage.   I hadn’t done that in at least 30 years.

In my own house, our aftermath is dealing with a grumpy husband who didn’t like us spending money on his gifts.  He got wind-chimes and solar-powered sidewalk lights.  I could have forced the girls to make him “coupons” for a free car wash or to trim the hedges, but actually getting them to honor the coupons wore me out just thinking about it!

How did you spend father’s day?  What did your kids do (if you have kids) to celebrate?

Photo of my brother playing with his one-year old on her birthday Saturday.

I’ve actually heard of this problem before.  Some babies and children will get so frustrated that they hold their breath until they pass out.  When I babysat in my youth, one child always threatened to do it.  I said, “Go ahead. You’ll start to breathe again automatically when you’re unconscious.”  But I never actually heard of anyone knowing a baby that did it.  Until Chez Bez,

I put her into her swing so that I could have my hands free to tend to something routine and insignificant. She started to fuss and instead of picking her up immediately, I thought I’d give her a minute to adjust and maybe I could get done whatever it was I was trying to deal with. Instead of the cry, however, there was just that pained silence from my little girl. I saw her struggle and I lifted her from her swing. No sound. She was losing color in her face and I felt that conflict between panic and remembering what the doctor said. Remembering tips and tricks I’d heard before, I blew in her face to startle her back to consciousness. It didn’t work though and she went blue in the face and limp in my arms.

Even if some babies DO do this, it would scare the beejeezus out of me.  Has anyone else experienced this?

Photo by KOMUnews via Flickr Creative Commons. 

 It’s fair to say that my family has faced it’s share of stress lately.  We have a lot going on, and we’re struggling to keep things as normal as possible for the children’s sake.  So, Saturday evening we sat down with our 2 year old while his sister was visiting her grandparents.  He immediately looked to me and told me that he wanted to play with his sister.  “Emma’s at Grammy’s,” I told him, “Would you like Mommy and Daddy to play with you?”  He looked at me with those big puppy dog eyes (which he was already struggling to keep open), and said, “Dat make me so happy!”  Our hearts melted.  Tears filled my husbands eyes, and of course, I cried like a baby.  We dried up our tears, and the three of us read books and pushed trains on the couch.  Within 30 minutes he was sound asleep, dreaming of his awesome night with Mommy and Daddy! 

We as parents often struggle so hard to make our children happy that we forget just how easy it is!  My guess is that at least 95% of us would look back to our childhoods and agree that our memories are not centered around material things, but the time we spent with family and friends.  I’ve been thinking over the last couple of days of ways that I can offer my children more opportunities for these lasting memories.  I’ve come up with a few.

• Visit a park for a walk or a picnic…leave the phones and travel video games at home or in the car!!!
• Family game night…without the tv!  You’ll find you actually have a lot to talk about.
• Host a barbecue or informal dinner with another family or two.  Hang out outside and allow yourself to breathe in the fresh air.  Set up some outdoor games and include the kids.
• Cook a family dinner together.  Again, leave the television off.  However, we have fun dancing to loud music when we cook!

There are many ways to “reconnect” as a family.  Remember what it’s all about.  Life is too short.  Take the time to appreciate the little things!  Start now…not everyone will have a smart two year old to remind them!

My nine-year-old just stepped in to tell me about her dream last night.  “I had TWO THOUSAND AND THREE HUNDRED DOLLARS,” she gleamed.  By the look on her face, you’d have thought she had won the lottery. 

It was at this point that I got that nagging feeling again.  Like most parents, my husband and I are always trying to use any given opportunity to serve as a lesson in “money management”.  However, our daughter has her own ideas about how “her” money should be spent.  One of my first thoughts after hearing her dream was, “Baby, you’ll have it spent in two days!”  So, once again, I am left pondering some of the ideas that have (and have not) worked for others.

1. Allowance - This is the big one.  I have not seen, heard, or read any expert advice telling parents that children should have to earn what they make.  The information I’m finding on giving an allowance states the importance of giving a child an alloted amount of money so that he/she will learn to budget.  My husband and I have struggled with this, as we both believe that it is important that children understand that money is earned. 
2. Spend/Save - Many people, regardless of the allowance rule, have set rules on how money will be allocated once the child receives it.  For instance, some parents have a rule that 50% can be used as the child chooses, and the other 50% will be put into savings of some sort.  Of course, the rules and percentages vary.
3. Behavior counts - Some folks combine the responsibility of smart spending with behavioral expectations.  An example would be…A child receives $10 per week.  But for each unacceptable behavior, a portion of that money is taken away. 
4. When it’s gone…It’s gone - Well, this is self-explanatory.  The child is allowed to spend what he or she wants, but when the money is gone, no exceptions are made. 

Our daughter has just started to really understand the value of the dollar, mostly, I believe from seeing and hearing the ups and downs of our own financial decisions.  I don’t believe there is one way alone to encourage a child to make good financial decisions.  Knowing your child, knowing their habits, and knowing what works for your own family is crucial in deciding which “financial plan” is best for you.

I don’t count Christmas season being over until January 1st, so I’m going to keep writing about it here!  Monosyllabic Pedantry posted this Wal Mart commercial saying it was the best Christmas commercial ever.

It so reminds me of moving from North Dakota to Arkansas.  We moved in October or November and I deeply missed my friends, the cold weather, and snow.  It just didn’t seem like Christmas without snow so I remember looking up into the sky and wishing it could just snow, please?

Christmas morning we woke up with a nice little dusting of snow covering the ground and the snow continued to fall.  It was perhaps one of the nicest Christmas gifts I ever received.  So I like this commercial, too.

In some area, everyone has a level of genius.  I know this to be true.  For example, one of my nephews is autistic and has trouble learning.  But he can absolutely run circles around me with his knowledge of dinosaurs, dragons, and gaming.  He is also a brilliant artist.

Slartibartfast wrote today about finding the genius in everyone thanks to his experiences with his own father,

It wasn’t until later, when struggling with a tricky trigonometry problem for well over an hour - my dad overheard my fretting, and immediately did the problem in his head.  He had, and still has, genius in him, but I had so limited my definition of “smart”, I couldn’t see it.

It was later, upon reflection of all of this, that I decided that my one of my missions in life was to find the genius in every person I met.  Let me tell you, if you get to know a person and cannot find their genius, you haven’t looked hard enough.  I have found it in dishwashers and in prisoners.  I’ve even found it in a couple of lawyers I know.

His words made me feel I was actually in the machine shop where his dad worked.

That’s my husband up in the picture holding our firstborn.

Natalie just got out of the hospital… bless her heart.

I am so glad she’s home and okay, Papa Les!!