Oh, dad speeches. My dad, St. Mark, has a million of them. Your dad probably has them, too. Starting with speech #1: "Money doesn’t grow on trees, and I am not an ATM." to speech #3162: "If you have rear ended a car, this means you didn’t have control of your own car and you are never allowed to drive my Lexus again."

It’s funny to watch my own husband develop his own dadly speeches, like speech #491: "If you guys don’t shut your mouths, you’re not going to like what happens next."

My dad had a very famous speech, speech #93: "Get your act together now, because you are NOT going to be living with me when you’re 30." Except now my brother’s 30 and still living with them. I was thinking he might need to revise that to "Get your act together now, because you are NOT going to be living with me until you’re 40." But when I talked to my dad the other day, he told me he’s going to just whip out speech #8908: "Get the heck out of my house NOW."

I told him I’d write it for him, for a nominal fee. Here’s what I came up with, what do you guys think?

"The time has come, the walrus said, to talk of many things. Of ships and shoes and sealing wax and pack your stuff, it’s time to move the heck out of my house."

What do you think? Too short? Should I work on it?