I overheard my 2 youngest kids talking today, as I was struggling to come up with some words, any words, for a post here on Shak.
"What’s wrong with mommy lately?" asked the Preschooler. The wise-to-the-ways-of-the-world Second Grader sighed and told him, "Mommy’s sad. Things have been hard lately. She doesn’t know how to fix everything." Preschooler considered this for a minute and said, "Well, Mommy needs to cheer up."
"I know," said Second Grader. "But I don’t think she can cheer up." My oldest, the Freshman, looked up from his texting and said, "Y’all are stupid. Mama CAN cheer up but she doesn’t want to. Her dad is DYING. Come and let me know how you feel when your dad is dying." Preschooler and Second Grader just looked at him blankly. "Papaw’s dying? I don’t think that’s true," said Second Grader.
I took off my headphones that have been hiding me from the world lately and looked up. "Papaw’s not dying," I said. "Not right now, I don’t think." I hated lying to them. The truth is, my dad is dying. Hopefully not now, but end stage renal failure plus congestive heart failure doesn’t make him the picture of good health.
Last year my grandma died very suddenly- a total blindside- and now my dad’s sicker than ever before with shoddy doctoring all the way around. I’ve been trying to either steel myself against another possible blindside, or else just try not to dwell on it and keep living. And I can’t. And now my kids are discussing my depression, which can’t be good for them at all.
I’ve been talking to a professional on and off. But I think maybe now is the time to go ahead and make the call to my doctor for some anti-depression meds.
Anyway, keep your fingers crossed for me.
Add to:
Oh, sweetie. Thinking of you so much.
Posted by: holly | August 7th, 2008 4:21 pm |
I am here for you, sweetie! Let me know if I can do anything. I am praying for your family!
Depression meds can do great things when things like this come upon us. I am proud of you for seeking the help you need!
Love you!
Posted by: Amy | August 7th, 2008 4:49 pm |
I am so thankful for the advances in anti-depressant medications. With the chemical imbalances and hormonal issues I have, along with the tragic events that have happened along the way in my life…there's no way I could have survived without them.
There is no stigma in asking for help.
You are not alone.
*HUGS*
Posted by: Ginger | August 7th, 2008 4:52 pm |
Keeping you in my thoughts and hope you find the strength in yourself.
Posted by: Christian | August 7th, 2008 5:14 pm |
Seriously, prayers go out.
Posted by: Angela | August 7th, 2008 7:00 pm |
I'm sorry. *hugs*
Posted by: Jessica | August 8th, 2008 3:28 am |
You know you have been in my prayers and will continue to be.
It is normal to feel sad under these circumstances so don't beat yourself up for feeling depressed and overwhelmed.
This too will pass, if you need help, seek it. And know you can always reach out to us all when you're in need.
Posted by: Kathy H | August 8th, 2008 6:51 pm |
ouch. it's never fun to be discussed by one's kids, I think.
I recently had the "your granddad is very sick" talk with my eight year old. I knew that Granddad was not likely to survive this hospitalization, and I wanted to get a couple of chances in to ease the kid into the idea - so I started with: your granddad's very sick and the doctors are working to figure out why. in a few days, I said: You know that Granddad's very sick and they know now that it's kidney cancer, which pretty serious. The doctors are not sure when or if his body will be able to handle this illness. The news that he passed away a week later was easier to deliver, and seemed reasonably easy to receive. (My own dad died when he was three months old, so he and I talked about it a lot while sobbing and nursing, but I doubt he remembers!)
I totally support the "not right now" part of your response.
We didn't have time to do the thing I usually do first when I have hard things to talk about with my kid - go to the library and find the best easy reader book I possibly can that's near the topic and jump off from there.
Posted by: kati | August 27th, 2008 6:50 pm |