I recently read an article about modesty within the family. It talked about giving each other, tots included, privacy in the bathroom, dressing behind closed doors and keeping everything out of sight at all times.
I have breastfed all three of my boys so a breast hanging out as I walk around the house is not a source of embarrassment at our house. It’s much more like, "Oh, mommy must be getting ready to feed the baby" or "Mommy forgot to pull her shirt down again." And the bathroom door is almost never shut around here. I’m sure most moms are with me when I say I’d rather have a conversation with my two year old while I handle business than have him banging on the bathroom door while screaming bloody murder.
But as my kids get older, it has become apparent that we have to scale back our openness and begin giving them some privacy as well as expecting some for ourselves. It will be a slow transition because I don’t want them to wonder why we are suddenly hiding in the bathroom with the doors shut or why they have to be shooed from the room while Mommy or Daddy get dressed. I don’t want my kids to develop a sense of shame about their bodies but I want them to understand that they are a private thing at the same time.
How do you handle modesty, including the introduction of the idea, in your own homes?
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I have to say I am in the slow process of scaling back to become more private. It seems like someone is always popping the bathroom, to discuss important things like how so and so at school had a shirt with Spiderman on it yesterday, while I am taking a shower.
Posted by: boogiemum | October 1st, 2007 3:34 pm |
Much like you Sara, I breast fed three children as well. Lets just say "Modesty" is not my middle name. But, I did notice as my children grew older, the change kind of naturally happened in our home. Gradually, the kids reacted as I would quietly reach for a towel to cover myself when they barged into the bathroom or when they caught me in the middle of changing cloths. I chose not to make a big deal of it and just started covering up and stating "hold on, mommy's not dressed" in those types of situations. They soon caught on and now quickly recoil if they burst in on me. No shame about it, just boundaries that they now recognize.
Posted by: Kathy | October 1st, 2007 3:34 pm |
I haven't had to face this issue yet, as my son is only 2 but I am starting to wonder when to draw the line. Right now, going to the bathroom alone is a very rare treat.
Posted by: Amanda | October 1st, 2007 3:35 pm |
I haven't had to face this issue yet, as my son is only 2 but I am starting to wonder when to draw the line. Right now, going to the bathroom alone is a very rare treat.
Posted by: Amanda | October 1st, 2007 3:35 pm |
I read somewhere that you should take cues on how you feel and how your child feels. A lot of other cultures do not have the same modesty as Americans do, and it's not necessarily because they are being amoral or anything.
However, I am starting the privacy deal too.
Posted by: Heidi | October 1st, 2007 3:58 pm |
We haven't explored privacy or shame yet…not sure when we will. My son is 3 1/2. We recently kept my 7 year old nephew overnight–he was not pleased that my son followed him into the bathroom every time yelling, "you're a big boy–you go in the potty like me!" I, however, was rolling on the floor
Posted by: SAHMmy Says | October 1st, 2007 4:20 pm |
Like the other comments this is something we've been working on. 3.5 yr old boy is now just a little too big in spouse and my opinions to be showering with me though 1.5 yr old boy still does. I've also started closing the door while getting dressed to keep 3.5 out. Of course it is done in a loving way but we're slowly changing things so 3.5 can learn about privacy. 1.5 on the other hand is still always around because the alternative is listening to him freak out if he can't see and touch me.
Posted by: Angela | October 2nd, 2007 1:39 pm |
I am very modest around my children. They know to always knock before entering. I was in shock when my daughter slept at her good friends house and came home talking about how she and her friend took a bath while at the same time the mother was in an all glass shower right next to them. My daughter was 7 at the time. YUCK!
Posted by: kathylynn | October 3rd, 2007 2:20 pm |
What magazine is that kid reading?
Posted by: Brooke | October 5th, 2007 12:54 pm |