I used to be a big AOL parenting message board poster. Let me tell you, there are no "better parents" in the world than the moms from the AOL message boards. These women would sit, banging away on their keybords, judging every wrong thing you ever did with your kid. All. Day. Long.
Later, I branched out to the real internet and found that those women existed all over the internet. I found out I was a terrible mama because I got sick of my kids and had to get out of the house and away from them. I was a terrible mama because I had sent my youngest son to daycare. (The horrors!) I was a terrible mama because I forgot to put sunscreen on my kids. (Hey, man, I’m dark skinned. I don’t think of it, sometimes, sorry.)
I found out once that the most judgemental woman I have ever met online smoked. in her house. With her kids in it. When I found that out, I had a massive epiphany. It’s really easy to fake being a good mom on the internet. I can sit here and tell you all day that my children have never had a bit of candy, that they only eat organic foods hand-picked from a farm in my backyard and you’d never know the difference. I can tell you I have never lost my patience with my kids even once. I’ve never yelled at them and I certainly have never spanked them.
But since I’m all about the honesty, I’ll tell ya. According to internet standards, I’m a crappy mom. And I’m proud of it.
Add to:
My kids would for sure argue with that and say that I am the worst mom there is! LOL
Posted by: Kristen | May 30th, 2007 6:16 pm |
I have read the blogs from badbadivy and they disturb me. Do you love your children or do you find them to be an inconvenience?
Posted by: Sonia | May 30th, 2007 10:52 pm |
Sonia: Thank you ever so much for proving my point. I love my children dearly. They're also pretty damned inconvenient. That, you see, is what children are, they're inconvenient. But you live with it, grow with them, and enjoy them despite the inconvenience.
I'd love to know exactly what I have written that makes it appear that I don't love my children. Bring it on.
Posted by: Ivy | May 30th, 2007 10:59 pm |
O.O
Actually, believe it or not, Ivy is one of the better parents I've bumped into on the internet. For one, she NEVER slammed me for deciding to choose formula over breastfeeding. A lot of moms I ran into told me they would rather see my son STARVE than have that 'poison' thrust down his throat.
Second..she has helped me learn to deal with issues my son has that are similar to what her kid has–learning disorders and sensory issues. For somebody who's never had to deal with that before, it can be overwhelming, frustrating and a little scary at times. It's a great help to me to have somebody who's going through the same thing to go to, so I can talk about these things.
Posted by: IGaveHimFormulaANDHELIKEDIT! | May 30th, 2007 11:10 pm |
This posting, to me, sounds like someone who doesn't have kids. Or someone with an agenda.
Of COURSE kids are an inconvenience. Just like friends, bosses, co-workers, traffic jams, and life in general. That doesn't mean you don't need them. And it doesn't mean you don't love/like/respect them. It just means that, like anything else, they can get to be too much, sometimes.
It's awfully high-handed of you, Sonia, to drop this little bombshell on this blogger. What- you have nothing better to do in St. Louis than peer at specific blogs and drop snarky posts on them?
On the other hand- perhaps you've been blessed with a Perfect Life. Perfect hubby, perfect 2.5 kids, perfect job, perfect health, perfect relatives.
Bah. BS. You're just snarky.
Posted by: StrangeFarer | May 30th, 2007 11:14 pm |
I have been doing some research on parenting and have found that nearly 100% of human children have human parents. Virtually all of these humans are, in fact, imperfect, under a sufficiently close inspection.
Love and convenience are a false dichotomy. Because you love your children, you may need to leave the house on occasion and have contact with other adult humans. Because you love your children, you may need to work outside the home to make ends meet. Because you love your children you may choose to work outside the home, and act as an object lesson in gender equality.
The deepest-held pathologies are often borne by those least willing to admit the first imperfection. Their guise of effortless happiness is a thin veil trying to mask the worst elements of human behavior.
Posted by: Jerry | May 30th, 2007 11:22 pm |
The real internet has nothing on the "parenting" communities on LiveJournal, I think. They seem to exist merely to serve as a forum for people to insult and judge each other.
Also, Jerry's comment is one of the most eloquent things I've ever read on this here internet box.
Posted by: Lesley | May 31st, 2007 6:40 am |
Just an observation, I met BBI through our interaction through the blogging community. We clicked and became friends and I treasure her.
With that said, I've seen her with her children. She is an excellent mother and I think balances her life of being a mom and being a person with her own identity very well. She does it seamlessly.
I would much rather read her being honest about her journey of being a parent than reading a bunch of "Mary Sunshine" stuff that is fake.
Ivy, you are doing a great job.
Posted by: newscoma | May 31st, 2007 6:42 am |
Wow! This is quite the conversation going on. I must say, I have four kids and they are most of the time an inconvenience. But that is because I am human and I am not perfect. Otherwise, I would wait on them hand and foot with no level of fulfillment ever attained. Unfortunately, I do need something other than my children in my life to fulfill me and so I turn to hubby, friends, work, hobbies etc. The moments I do spend with my kids, which are a lot, are filled with some frustration but also with joy. The key is balance and really you aren't going to find that on the internet.
Posted by: Kristen | May 31st, 2007 7:35 am |
Sonia - Obviously you don't know Ivy. She is sometimes dangerously honest, but I do know her and I know her kids.
Most folks on the internet who write about their kids concentrate on the warm fuzzy stuff or on the hardships of being such a wonderful parent.
Telling the truth on this subject is a great anecdote to all the BS. Loving (and and even liking) your kids doesn't mean they are worthy to be worshipped. Sometimes they are a pain in the ass..kinda like you (and me!)
Posted by: john h | May 31st, 2007 7:39 am |
Just wanted to add: I am the Sonia who knows Ivy. Please no one confuse me with that other sonia up there! Eeeeek!
PS…yes, the most judgmental moms are the ones who do some of the "worst" stuff.
Posted by: The Original Sonia | May 31st, 2007 7:57 am |
Your welcome! I was sick of seeing no comments after posts. Looks like I stirred up some conversation. I am sure you are a great mom. Keep up the good work and hopefully you will get more conversations on your posts. By the way, I have 6 children and 2 grandchildren and was stressed out the majority of the time will working and keeping family and home together. But the fun part is looking back and not wanting to do anything differently. I wish this for all you parents out there.
Posted by: Sonia | May 31st, 2007 8:46 am |
Well, thanks, Sonia, I think.;)
Posted by: Ivy | May 31st, 2007 8:53 am |
I've done it all. I've been in "due in" and "after baby" boards for my designated month, and have seen way too much of what other mothers will trash one another for.
The worst? Were the fake ones, who were the perfect gymbo moms and thought that their perfect little angels didn't fill their diapers like most babies do.
Hey, I've got two, I love them, but I don't always like them. In fact some days they drive me to have a glass of wine or three when they're in bed for the night.
I prefer blogging because I am not really part of a community, people come and go, and maybe stay and leave a comment. I'm tired of being judged and am at the point in my life where I will not alter my personality so I can fit in with those halo wearing mothers.
Posted by: Jennifer | May 31st, 2007 11:31 am |
Hooray for crappy, slacker, benign neglect moms!
Posted by: Alisyn | May 31st, 2007 2:50 pm |
It seems to me that the moms who have it the hardest are the ones least likely to judge others. The single moms, the parents who work 2 and 3 jobs, those who have children with disabilities, the ones who aren't afraid to talk about the reality of childrearing…they are the first people to stand up for and offer support to other parents.
Ivy, your kids are well behaved, smart, and cute as hell. I hope that I can count on you as one of my supporters when I have a kid who makes me want to pull my hair out.
Posted by: jag | May 31st, 2007 4:03 pm |
I like Jennifer's idea of a few glasses of wine. No judgments, no worries.
Posted by: Kristen | May 31st, 2007 8:31 pm |
I am a stay at home mother of four. I love my children dearly but a couple of months ago I was about to pull all of my hair out. I finally went to my husband and told him that I had to have a break. It payed off because four days later a friend and I were on a plane heading to an Arizona spa. I did not think of my kids while I was gone, I enjoyed every minute. I also came back refreshed and ready to be a parent again.
Posted by: kathy | June 1st, 2007 8:37 am |
I have to say I am laughing my ass of right now. I'm not one to blog, seeing as I am always caring for my two young children. However, I stumbled across this blog and couldn't help but become interested, and even more, couldn't resist commenting. It seems to me that most of you on this message board are fmoms (that is fake moms). In particular, kathy. Excuse me but can you please explain to me how it is possible to leave town for any amount of time and not think about your children. I'm not completely sure how you managed to do that seeing as I personally have never had a moment where I'm not thinking about my children and worrying if they are ok. The only answer I can think of is that you must have someone else raising and caring for you children. If this is true, and you still call yourself a stay at home mom, then lucky you. However, I would suggest shortening your title to just "stay at home". As for the rest of you, children are an inconvenience? Children, in fact are just the opposite. When you choose to become a mother, you make a life changing decision. Your life is not meant to be the same after you have had children as it was before, that's not the way it works "moms". Children, in fact become part of your life, a full-time job taken extrememly literally, if you will. If you all blogging really think your children as inconvenient then perhaps you should have thought twice before making that life-changing decision. But hey, there's still hope for you all to get your lives back, just hire a nanny!
Posted by: i don't hire a nanny to raise my children | June 1st, 2007 10:55 pm |
don'thireananny…I have to say, my jaw just hit the bloody floor when I read your comment. I don't know whether I should take offense at the suggestion that I (and the rest of us) are 'fake moms' or not. I don't really know how to respond to that. But I do want to address some of the things you said.
Excuse me but can you please explain to me how it is possible to leave town for any amount of time and not think about your children.
It's easy. You just let them be the last thing on your mind for a few days instead of the first. It's not a crime. I think if going to a spa for a few days helped her out and gave her a wee break when she was about to crack, then hey..that's alright. We all need breaks from time to time and if you don't, I suspect that there is something wrong with you.
The only answer I can think of is that you must have someone else raising and caring for you children
Does school count? Because most women these days don't have nannies/au pairs unless you are fairly well off. I know I certainely can't afford one and I doubt anybody else who has posted here could either. With the exception of Ivy. We all know she's rolling in the dough.
Children, in fact become part of your life, a full-time job taken extrememly literally, if you will.
Well no shit Sherlock. If I got paid for all the hours I put in as a parent, I'd be richer than Donald Trump and Bill Gates combined.
At times, yeah kids are hella inconvienent, but I don't think any of us would trade our kids for having our lives back. I know I sure as hell wouldn't and I have a special needs child! That makes him (at times) doubly inconvienent because he can't handle a lot of loud noises and crowds. He will only eat certain things and god forbid you give him ketchup, because it gives him a rash. He doesn't speak at the same level as a normal kid his age, which can be problematic since we basically have to play charades to figure out what he's after sometimes. But would I give him up in order to get back the life I had before we had him? Hell no. S'matter of fact, I think that I'm learning EXTRA lessons in joy and the value of patience from him. Because no matter what, it's hard to get him down. He wakes up every day with a smile and even when he gets frustrated, he rarely cries or throws a fit. He's always eager to try new things, to have new experiences. And my life has been made a wee bit richer because of that. Even if I could afford a nanny, I don't think I'd have one. I worked 40+ hrs a week for the first two years of his life and I regret it bitterly. There are days when I see other moms pushing their infants around in their strollers and I wish I had those days back. Because I didn't get to enjoy them. I am just trying to enjoy what's left of his childhood, no matter what problems he may have.
I dare you to call me a fake. Because honey, I'm about as real as they get.
Posted by: IFeedFormula | June 5th, 2007 12:36 pm |