I’ve seen lists around the internet of good gifts for Mother’s Day, and I’ve seen a couple of lists about what are not good gifts for Mother’s Day. Most of them involve things like, "No household appliances". I could get down with that, unless it’s a really COOL household appliance like a Dyson or an immersion blender.

No, my list of things not to get me for Mother’s Day is the sort of thing that you find on the "good gifts" lists. Like, flowers. I love flowers when they are outside, and I even like them on the day they are cut, but I’m really not that big of a fan of watching flowers die slowly. It really depresses me. I know I’m weird.

I’m also weird about jewelry. Don’t give me jewelry, either, even especially if it’s good jewelry. I lose things, so jewelry is not a good present for me. Not to mention, I like to pick my own jewelry. My husband likes gold. I like silver. See the disconnect?

Candy’s also a no-go. One word. Diet.

You might think I’m extraordinarily picky, but I do have some good ideas for Mother’s Day. I’d like a gift card to the Gap, Old Navy, or any of my other fave clothing stores and a babysitter so I can go shopping by myself. It seems my kids always decide to act their worst when I’m trying on clothes. I’d also like a gift certificate for a massage. A real massage, done by professionals. That just about sounds like heaven right now.

Or, one could always go the route of my dad, who forgot 4 Valentine’s Days in a row. The next year he bought my mom a shiny red convertible. Yeah, that was for Valentine’s Day, but if you ask me, that sounds like a fine Mother’s Day gift as well.